English joke

A woman is walking down the street when she sees a sign in the pet shop window, advertising clitoris licking frogs for $5. She immediately thinks “I´ll have one of those” and goes into the shop. She leaves the shop ten minutes later with a frog in one pocket and an envelope containing instructions in the other pocket. She gets home and upon finding her husband at work, she decides to test the frog. She goes up to her bedroom and opens the envelope. The first instruction says “get undressed”, so she does. The next tells her to lie on her bed with her legs spread… what she does. Then she reads that she has to place the frog ba her legs what she does. The final instruction is to tell the frog to do it, so she says to the frog “Do it frog, do it” and nothing happens. Again she tries “Do it frog, do it” and again nothing happens. After a while she decides to ring up the pet shop and complain. The owner listens carefully and tells her he´ll be around in about five minutes. When he gets to her house he promptly buries his head between her legs and says to the frog…… “do I have to show you again!?”……………

A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself “It´s not a ship”. The speck gets a little closer and he thinks “It´s not a boat”. The speck gets even closer and he thinks “It´s not a raft”.
Then, out of the surf comes a gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says “How long has it been since you´ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years!” he replies. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket in her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says “Man, oh man, is that good!”
Then she asks “How long has it been since you´ve had a drink of whisky?” He says “Ten years!” She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says “Wow! That´s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
And the man replies “My God! Don´t tell me that you´ve got golf clubs in here!!!”

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